I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
