I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
