We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
