Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it glows. i had to have it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
