I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
