she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
