I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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