Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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