Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
