Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
