John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He passed out mid-signature
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
