thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
