She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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