He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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