So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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