I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
