I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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