Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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