Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
