In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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