Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
