Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
