Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
