were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
