How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
