just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
