do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
