lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
