hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
