So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
