I bet he comes in French.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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