Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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