I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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