ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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