So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
