I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
