He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
