I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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