I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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