i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
