Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
