Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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