My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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