Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
