Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
