I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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