sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
