Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
