her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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