hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
