you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
