We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
